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Juggling the Balls of Holiday Perfectionism!
I have this issue with perfection. I am a deep-rooted perfectionist through and through. I admit it. When I sat down to write this blog, no matter how hard I tried to write about me being just a “compartmentalized perfectionist”, every example I came up with showed me to be a full blown perfectionist in the worst way… Ugh.
For example; when I’m decorating for Christmas, the decorations have to be just so. I will arrange and rearrange until my keen eye for interior design is content. The lights on the tree have to have just the right dip as each row drapes along the tree, and every ornament strategically placed with the right spacing - up, down, and side-to-side. I will move things around over and over again until I find just the right placement. Only then do I feel a sense of contentment set in.
When the grand-girls were little they used to come over and see the fully decorated tree with eyes of delight and wonder. But they always moved stuff around on the tree, the way they thought it should look. Invariably by the time they left there would be one area that they moved all the bulbs, which was about eye-level to their height.
Looking at the cluster of ornaments they had placed, I was always determined to leave their decorations in their unbalanced, cluttered state. The grand-girls had looked so cute while redecorating my tree. But once they left I would look at my tree in horror. “Goodness, what happened to my perfectly coifed tree!” I then would try to talk myself into leaving the ornaments as the girls had placed them, repeatedly saying inside, “just leave it, Janie! The girls will come back and see you moved things. Don’t forget how cute they were as they happily danced about the tree rearranging the bulbs”. But within minutes I could hardly contain myself and there I was up at the tree putting the ornaments back in their intended place.
I also do this with events I host. Everything has to be just right for the Christmas Party; the food must be a wide variety in all 7 party food groups; cookies, candies, meats, cheeses, drinks, dips, and chips. The decorations must be strategically placed in every room throughout the house, (someone may accidently go into the laundry room or the garage, so there better be a bit of Christmas bling to show solidarity). There must be lots of music, (it should be shuffling continuously so there are no quiet awkward moments.) Candles must be lit before, not while, guests arrive, and of course we need games to keep the interaction amongst the guests going. Sometimes I have so much planned that my kids become irritated with me and just want to go outside on the deck to chill and relax. How dare they be such party poopers!
I’m also a perfectionist when it comes to buying gifts. I will go to store after store searching for just the right thing for each person. I may not even have any idea what I’m going to get them, but I’ll know it when I see it! This is very time consuming, so when I am putting together our holiday month of events I always have to factor in several days just for shopping.
I also do this with my looks. Yikes, I hate to admit it, but if I go to the store I know I am going to run into someone I haven’t seen for a long time. So before I leave I make sure my make-up is on and my hair done. In this current culture of mask-wearing, it is a little easier to hide but ultimately I do run into someone I know and think, “Whoa, good thing I put my makeup on, even if all they can see are my eyes”.
It’s exhausting keeping up this perfectionism, especially during Christmas. I run myself ragged trying to keep the house clean, the muddy footprints off the kitchen floor, the Christmas pillows fluffed and in the right place on the sofa. Get the Christmas cards mailed, plan for the parties we will have and the ones we will attend, get hostess gift for those parties, buy presents, wrap, bake, and make sure I and my husband have just the right outfit for each occasion.
My perfectionism can go beyond Christmas decorating, and events. And I have found it can have a very negative effect on people. Who knew…?!
I am reminded of a time many years ago when I had been down for several months with a bad back. We had just bought a new home and it was time to move in. I could not do any of the packing to get ready for the move on account of my bad back. So, a couple of girlfriends came over and packed up all the stuff in our house. It was very gracious of them as I watch from my sedentary spot on the couch.
Upon completion of packing thing up; one of them made a comment, “Janie, you are always so put-together and have everything in your life in order. I have always felt I didn’t have anything to offer. So, it is nice to finally have the opportunity to do something for you.” Ouch! I had no idea my perfectionism was making others feel less capable and even putting me on a pedestal of sorts.
(I could go on with different scenarios where my perfectionism takes hold and is actually perfectly irritating, but I think you get the point...)
In reviewing the effects of this meticulous behavior, I have come to this conclusion - being perfect isn’t perfect at all. Things don’t have to be perfect to be enjoyed. Some of the best times we have had have been when an impromptu meeting of friends led to dinner, or a vacation where we just hopped in the car and drove; no plan, no destination, just togetherness. Or when “by divine appointment” random family members happen to show up at the house and we share an evening of visiting and Christmas cheer - spontaneously. (I’m sure I rummaged around and brought out a few snacks though.)
My husband always tells me how much he loves me and that in his eyes I am perfect. I know what that means; I am perfect to him because he has a perfect love for me. It’s not because everything I do is perfect, by a long shot. I feel that way about him too. I also feel that way about my kids and grandchildren…I know they aren’t perfect, but I love them perfectly.
What I am learning is that the occasion to let others see visually the imperfections in me gives them opportunity to learn to love me in spite of my flaws and to use their unique gifts and character to harmonize with mine. My human miss-givings allow opportunity for others to show me they care and to help me. And ultimately it makes others feel they can relate to me much better when I am not on the pedestal glowing in perfectionism. I am more real (and definitely more humble) when I can admit and allow myself to show that I am not perfect.
Recently I was spending some time talking to the Lord about all the balls that I am juggling and how I feel I keep “dropping the balls” different ones, from time to time. The labels on these balls were Family, Husband, Finances, Business, Events, Grandchildren, Home, Christmas, and many others. I was feeling very overwhelmed and losing control. So I asked God if He could help me with this. I told Him, “I need to let go of some of these balls because I am stressed-out. So could you just take care of some of the situations and problems? Tuck them away so I don’t have to put energy in those directions anymore.”
There was silence for a moment after asking this question and then I heard the Lord say, “You do have a lot of balls in the air, but I don’t plan on taking any of them away. You can handle them with My Help. You see your problem is, Janie, you are only juggling all these balls with one hand - your right hand. With the left hand you are juggling one big ball and it’s label is Perfectionism. If you will drop the ball of perfectionism then you will have both hands to juggle with. The ball of Perfection is keeping you focused on "it" instead of on Me; and the people and tasks I have given you. You take your eyes off the balls I have given you in the right hand to juggle, focusing all your attention on the big ball of perfectionism in your left.”
He went on to say,” I have not given you the big ball of perfectionism in your left hand. That is something you are doing on your own.”
Wow! I was getting the message, but there was still more…
God followed up by saying, “There is one more step…Once you have dropped the ball of perfectionism and are juggling only the balls I’ve given you with both hands, I want you to keep your focus firmly gazing straight ahead on Me at all times. From this vantage point you will be able to see all of the balls in your peripheral vision if you are focused, centered on Me. If you loose sight of Me and focus specifically on one of the balls, you will drop the others. That ball ends up getting all of your attention and becomes an idol in your life. Anything or anyone that replaces Me in your mind is an idol.” (Thou shalt have no other gods before me.)
Yikes! I was really getting a talking to now! But I had to ask the questions, “But Lord, what if after I am juggling the balls you have given me with both hands that I drop one? I try so hard through the lens of perfectionism to keep the balls in the air so not one of them falls to the ground.”
The Lord then said, “If you drop one, don’t look away. Stay focused on me. I will care for the ball you dropped and put it back into your rotation when, and if, it is time.”
I can’t begin to tell you what a relief I felt after that conversation with God! You mean I don’t have to be perfect, do things perfect, look perfect?!
NO! God calls me to be the best I can be, but not to be perfect. I will never achieve that this side of Heaven. I am not perfect, but God loves me perfectly. Just like my husband does.
Since that time I am learning that it is OK to let go of perfectionism, or any “ism” that causes me to take my focus off Jesus. And, if my greatest fear ever materializes and heaven forbid I drop a ball, I am to keep my eyes on Jesus. He will tend to that ball and give it back when and if it is time. Anything that takes the place of Christ, especially at Christmas, is time spent in foolish anxiety and unnecessary stress.
So this holiday season I am giving myself permission to drop the ball of perfectionism so as not to drive myself crazy with busyness and worry. I’m going to allow myself the freedom to drop a few balls if needed and be happy when I unexpectedly run into someone at the grocery store this holiday season, even if I don’t have my make-up and hair done. I am going to let the grandkids rearrange the tree next time they are over and leave it that way. I am going to be more spontaneous and flexible so I can be ready for the “divine appointments” God has for me this Christmas Season.
But most importantly, I am going to keep my focus on Jesus Christ as I go through each day’s events. With my gaze firmly fixed on Him, He will strengthen me and direct me to do the things He wants whether they are perfectly done or not.
You see… In Gods eyes, He sees me as His perfect child through the lens of His son Jesus Christ who was born on Christmas Day. Jesus is the epitome of perfection and the one who redeemed me from sin and covers me in His righteousness. So in God’s eyes I am perfect!
Hence, starting TODAY things are going to be different! No perfectionism juggling for me! Case in point… This blog should have been posted the morning of December 6th for the 6th day of advent, and I am just now posting it. (Well, it was close to being perfect. What’s a few hours? LOL!)
For example; when I’m decorating for Christmas, the decorations have to be just so. I will arrange and rearrange until my keen eye for interior design is content. The lights on the tree have to have just the right dip as each row drapes along the tree, and every ornament strategically placed with the right spacing - up, down, and side-to-side. I will move things around over and over again until I find just the right placement. Only then do I feel a sense of contentment set in.
When the grand-girls were little they used to come over and see the fully decorated tree with eyes of delight and wonder. But they always moved stuff around on the tree, the way they thought it should look. Invariably by the time they left there would be one area that they moved all the bulbs, which was about eye-level to their height.
Looking at the cluster of ornaments they had placed, I was always determined to leave their decorations in their unbalanced, cluttered state. The grand-girls had looked so cute while redecorating my tree. But once they left I would look at my tree in horror. “Goodness, what happened to my perfectly coifed tree!” I then would try to talk myself into leaving the ornaments as the girls had placed them, repeatedly saying inside, “just leave it, Janie! The girls will come back and see you moved things. Don’t forget how cute they were as they happily danced about the tree rearranging the bulbs”. But within minutes I could hardly contain myself and there I was up at the tree putting the ornaments back in their intended place.
I also do this with events I host. Everything has to be just right for the Christmas Party; the food must be a wide variety in all 7 party food groups; cookies, candies, meats, cheeses, drinks, dips, and chips. The decorations must be strategically placed in every room throughout the house, (someone may accidently go into the laundry room or the garage, so there better be a bit of Christmas bling to show solidarity). There must be lots of music, (it should be shuffling continuously so there are no quiet awkward moments.) Candles must be lit before, not while, guests arrive, and of course we need games to keep the interaction amongst the guests going. Sometimes I have so much planned that my kids become irritated with me and just want to go outside on the deck to chill and relax. How dare they be such party poopers!
I’m also a perfectionist when it comes to buying gifts. I will go to store after store searching for just the right thing for each person. I may not even have any idea what I’m going to get them, but I’ll know it when I see it! This is very time consuming, so when I am putting together our holiday month of events I always have to factor in several days just for shopping.
I also do this with my looks. Yikes, I hate to admit it, but if I go to the store I know I am going to run into someone I haven’t seen for a long time. So before I leave I make sure my make-up is on and my hair done. In this current culture of mask-wearing, it is a little easier to hide but ultimately I do run into someone I know and think, “Whoa, good thing I put my makeup on, even if all they can see are my eyes”.
It’s exhausting keeping up this perfectionism, especially during Christmas. I run myself ragged trying to keep the house clean, the muddy footprints off the kitchen floor, the Christmas pillows fluffed and in the right place on the sofa. Get the Christmas cards mailed, plan for the parties we will have and the ones we will attend, get hostess gift for those parties, buy presents, wrap, bake, and make sure I and my husband have just the right outfit for each occasion.
My perfectionism can go beyond Christmas decorating, and events. And I have found it can have a very negative effect on people. Who knew…?!
I am reminded of a time many years ago when I had been down for several months with a bad back. We had just bought a new home and it was time to move in. I could not do any of the packing to get ready for the move on account of my bad back. So, a couple of girlfriends came over and packed up all the stuff in our house. It was very gracious of them as I watch from my sedentary spot on the couch.
Upon completion of packing thing up; one of them made a comment, “Janie, you are always so put-together and have everything in your life in order. I have always felt I didn’t have anything to offer. So, it is nice to finally have the opportunity to do something for you.” Ouch! I had no idea my perfectionism was making others feel less capable and even putting me on a pedestal of sorts.
(I could go on with different scenarios where my perfectionism takes hold and is actually perfectly irritating, but I think you get the point...)
In reviewing the effects of this meticulous behavior, I have come to this conclusion - being perfect isn’t perfect at all. Things don’t have to be perfect to be enjoyed. Some of the best times we have had have been when an impromptu meeting of friends led to dinner, or a vacation where we just hopped in the car and drove; no plan, no destination, just togetherness. Or when “by divine appointment” random family members happen to show up at the house and we share an evening of visiting and Christmas cheer - spontaneously. (I’m sure I rummaged around and brought out a few snacks though.)
My husband always tells me how much he loves me and that in his eyes I am perfect. I know what that means; I am perfect to him because he has a perfect love for me. It’s not because everything I do is perfect, by a long shot. I feel that way about him too. I also feel that way about my kids and grandchildren…I know they aren’t perfect, but I love them perfectly.
What I am learning is that the occasion to let others see visually the imperfections in me gives them opportunity to learn to love me in spite of my flaws and to use their unique gifts and character to harmonize with mine. My human miss-givings allow opportunity for others to show me they care and to help me. And ultimately it makes others feel they can relate to me much better when I am not on the pedestal glowing in perfectionism. I am more real (and definitely more humble) when I can admit and allow myself to show that I am not perfect.
Recently I was spending some time talking to the Lord about all the balls that I am juggling and how I feel I keep “dropping the balls” different ones, from time to time. The labels on these balls were Family, Husband, Finances, Business, Events, Grandchildren, Home, Christmas, and many others. I was feeling very overwhelmed and losing control. So I asked God if He could help me with this. I told Him, “I need to let go of some of these balls because I am stressed-out. So could you just take care of some of the situations and problems? Tuck them away so I don’t have to put energy in those directions anymore.”
There was silence for a moment after asking this question and then I heard the Lord say, “You do have a lot of balls in the air, but I don’t plan on taking any of them away. You can handle them with My Help. You see your problem is, Janie, you are only juggling all these balls with one hand - your right hand. With the left hand you are juggling one big ball and it’s label is Perfectionism. If you will drop the ball of perfectionism then you will have both hands to juggle with. The ball of Perfection is keeping you focused on "it" instead of on Me; and the people and tasks I have given you. You take your eyes off the balls I have given you in the right hand to juggle, focusing all your attention on the big ball of perfectionism in your left.”
He went on to say,” I have not given you the big ball of perfectionism in your left hand. That is something you are doing on your own.”
Wow! I was getting the message, but there was still more…
God followed up by saying, “There is one more step…Once you have dropped the ball of perfectionism and are juggling only the balls I’ve given you with both hands, I want you to keep your focus firmly gazing straight ahead on Me at all times. From this vantage point you will be able to see all of the balls in your peripheral vision if you are focused, centered on Me. If you loose sight of Me and focus specifically on one of the balls, you will drop the others. That ball ends up getting all of your attention and becomes an idol in your life. Anything or anyone that replaces Me in your mind is an idol.” (Thou shalt have no other gods before me.)
Yikes! I was really getting a talking to now! But I had to ask the questions, “But Lord, what if after I am juggling the balls you have given me with both hands that I drop one? I try so hard through the lens of perfectionism to keep the balls in the air so not one of them falls to the ground.”
The Lord then said, “If you drop one, don’t look away. Stay focused on me. I will care for the ball you dropped and put it back into your rotation when, and if, it is time.”
I can’t begin to tell you what a relief I felt after that conversation with God! You mean I don’t have to be perfect, do things perfect, look perfect?!
NO! God calls me to be the best I can be, but not to be perfect. I will never achieve that this side of Heaven. I am not perfect, but God loves me perfectly. Just like my husband does.
Since that time I am learning that it is OK to let go of perfectionism, or any “ism” that causes me to take my focus off Jesus. And, if my greatest fear ever materializes and heaven forbid I drop a ball, I am to keep my eyes on Jesus. He will tend to that ball and give it back when and if it is time. Anything that takes the place of Christ, especially at Christmas, is time spent in foolish anxiety and unnecessary stress.
So this holiday season I am giving myself permission to drop the ball of perfectionism so as not to drive myself crazy with busyness and worry. I’m going to allow myself the freedom to drop a few balls if needed and be happy when I unexpectedly run into someone at the grocery store this holiday season, even if I don’t have my make-up and hair done. I am going to let the grandkids rearrange the tree next time they are over and leave it that way. I am going to be more spontaneous and flexible so I can be ready for the “divine appointments” God has for me this Christmas Season.
But most importantly, I am going to keep my focus on Jesus Christ as I go through each day’s events. With my gaze firmly fixed on Him, He will strengthen me and direct me to do the things He wants whether they are perfectly done or not.
You see… In Gods eyes, He sees me as His perfect child through the lens of His son Jesus Christ who was born on Christmas Day. Jesus is the epitome of perfection and the one who redeemed me from sin and covers me in His righteousness. So in God’s eyes I am perfect!
Hence, starting TODAY things are going to be different! No perfectionism juggling for me! Case in point… This blog should have been posted the morning of December 6th for the 6th day of advent, and I am just now posting it. (Well, it was close to being perfect. What’s a few hours? LOL!)
"A beautiful sight, we’re happy tonight, walking in a winter wonderland…"